Coming back from Rainbow Garage -- Rebuilding R

Know what you're in for if it happens to you :-( Again, here preside the perils of NOT journaling daily . I blame my circumstance and suffered the circumstantial downtime. But I lived in my mind, which raced all the time, trying to process what the heck happened. To say we camped out at the hospital room would be an understatement. We lived, ate, slept and other stuff there. Both of us never wanted to leave R's side during recovery. Plus , we wanted to help coordinate his care. Sure, babysitters kept an eye on him 24 hours a day, in 12 hour shifts, but he wasn't their kid. We worked the schedule to not leave each other alone. The only other person who knew exactly how I felt, was my wife. The ICU recovery room was tiny. I remember waiting in that room the day after. One of his nurses led us straight to his room to wait after his next urgent surgery. We coveted the lounge chair in the room. I remember some of the great nurses who helped not just R, but all of us. In partic

Soooo much happened during the stay. I wish I'd journaled back then, but, in all authenticity, I was doing my best to keep it together. Did a lot of reading, surviving really. And tried to be there for R and A.  Jan 2nd ICU The EMTs told us to go to the main hospital. I drove 'cause A was a mess and could not stop crying. On the way, she managed to call our other kiddos who promised to meet us there. We stood in line at the ER, trying our best to wait our turn. Everyone had an issue, been there before, but this time was different.  The check-in person (triage) found out R's location and took us aside where a social worker took over.  He took us to a private sitting room where we could collect ourselves. If he asked us any pertinent questions, I cannot remember. Then, the peer counselor called. R, after all, had only been out less than 4 hours. When we told him where we were and what happened, he exclaimed "WHAT?"  Then, our other adult children arrived by Uber an

Warning : This post deals with self-harm associated with mental illness. It is not meant to promote suicidal ideation in any way. If you, or someone you care about, is struggling, please dial  988  for the  Suicide & Crisis Lifeline . There's so much I remember about that day. I almost wish I could forget.  This is the post that I'll rewrite and add to time again and again. It's the defining moment in my life. I'm scared to write about it and have avoided such. Here it goes: I woke up really looking forward to getting R out of Level 1. It would've been the day before, but we couldn't get R out because of the holiday. I remember watching Friends, the TV show, just trying to pass the time until he came home. I was so sad, especially that this happened during the holidays. But today was gonna be a great day. We'll finally have him home.  We cleaned and I kept singing Goodbye Horses in the background, the now infamous song of movie lore. I don't know why